I was watching an Instructor Class the other night with one of my great friends from the fighting world and we discussed how difficult it is to talk about fighting to most people.

This difficultly lies in the fact that my definition of fighting is very different from most “fighters”. When someone tells me they know how to fight, that triggers in my mind numerous examples of specific methods of inflicting trauma on the human body with the goal being the destruction of other guys.

In the rare instance when I decide to speak about fighting in a social situation, I usually regret doing so. Quickly I see that most people are uncomfortable with my very calm descriptions of the effective use of violence.

Most people get caught up in the surreal aspects of violence that permeate society today… the WWF or video game fake violence… as opposed to learning how to methodically deliver systematic strikes to vulnerable parts of the human body with the goal being the total destruction of the other guy.

People always comment on how friendly and approachable I am — as well as my instructors. They are confused, I’d guess, because most of the martial arts and combat sport world is dominated by aloof personalities who seem more concerned you recognize their ‘rank’ rather than answer your questions.

I tell clients all the time that the more trained you are to deal with real violence, the more emotionally relaxed life you live… and the more you get to enjoy life experiences and people.

There’s much less need to use false aggression in your demeanor to give off that ‘I’m intimidating’ message. That is an Effect-State(tm) (and fear-based) protection mechanism that is mildly effective but takes a huge emotional toll to pull off.

This is yet another reason to seek out competent training in hand-to-hand combat. By facing the fact violence exists and learning how to effectively use violence, you truly free yourself from unnecessary fear in your day-to-day living.

W. Edwards Deming
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